Anger is an issue

Appologies for swearing, this is a fictional piece based on a patient in a mental asylum..

"I’m Angry. Apparently, they put me in here because I go blind with rage. Silly fuckers. Do I look angry to you? I am not angry at all, that’s not the right word to describe how he made me feel. When he pinned me down. And used my head as a hammer, my body as a tool. He should be in here. Locked up without a key. Being told your crazy, a psycho, mental, abusive, a disturbed human being who is a bit fruity, a loco lunatic. My brains unstable, unbalanced, I am a tad nutsy but i’m not fucking angry. When they pulled me from the mess of his body they shouted at me, deranged, schizoid, fucking nutter, stupid screwball, she is off her nut, crackpot. Wanker. That’s what I echoed in return. You try living with someone who puts his fag ends out on your face. That’s right, I’m the fucking lunatic. I’m the one who got locked away because I am the one who got abused, who got thrown about as if i was a sack of potatoes. He had it coming. Fucking good. That’s what i felt when i saw the blood pour out his skull. But i’m not angry, not me."

Nothing beats a bit of tlc

When the clouds start to gather over head,
when your crumbling into blindness,
when your vision is your reflection,
when you want out, but have no hands to reach it,

a little bit of tender loving care is all you need.

If you end up suffocated with no cash back, no guarantee,
if your creeping into a pit where nothing seeps in,
if your being here is a hollow absence,
if you can't understand or comprehend yourself,

a little bit of tender loving care is all you need.

Then you can wipe the salt from your eyes,
then your shoulders become much lighter,
then your not alone, but your embraced,
then you can say yes, a sweeping revelation,

a little bit of tender loving care is all I need

to be comforted with my head held high,
to forget my deep cuts caused by their words,
to remember I am worthy, I am someone,
to say yes, with an arm around my shoulder,

a little bit of tender loving care is all I needed.

Inhibitions

These are things that we are so afraid of saying, or acting in a certain way...

For me, I hate karaoke, at least when I am sober i do. But if I am honest, even when I have had a few to drink I still find it scares me silly. I just KNOW that I can't sing, I wish I could, but I am not going to do anything about it because it doesn't bother me enough. When I am out in a club and I know a song I will just sing a long fine and happy because I am being silly and no one cares when your in a crowd full of people, you don't care. What matters is the unified voice singing above the noise of the song, every drunk face joined in unison to bring about a murmur of noise.

Inhibitions come in so many forms, mine come in worrying what people think about me too much when it comes to singing karaoke, or becoming very rowdy and silly. It's a great feeling when you don't let your inhibitions rule you, but instead, you go crazy!! For most people this happens when you are drunk, except you take that step and run a mile... everyone tends to take things a little too far!

I have given up alcohol for lent and it is proving to be a challenge so far, but it has been over 2 and a half weeks an i have managed it so far. So when I am in a situation, such as a club, surrounded by drunks, i can let my inhibitions go as well. They won't remember. These drunkards around me won't blink an eye, so who cares if i dance crazy and sing painfully, if I am really loud and rowdy, who cares? No one but me will remember in the morning. And waking up feeling o.k is a pretty good feeling. Not wasting my day in bed or feeling hungover.

So i think once you put yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to let go of your inhibitions, regardless if you are drunk or not, I think the results can be incredible. I had an amazing night on Thursday when i didn't drink. So perhaps I will continue this. I will at least until Easter, which is about 4 weeks time. Maybe I will learn a lot from this experience, I definitely am learning people think I am a little crazy because I am giving up alcohol which in their eyes is "impossible". I will prove them wrong.

I can't say that, whenever I am in a karaoke situation ,I will go up and sing, alcohol or not, because I haven't quite got to that stage. I will need to work on this one...

Every time I travel

... I end up with a story. Why is that? Do you think it's because of the way the world is created... full of people so unlike each other, so unique, with their own mannerisms, quirks and practices? When different cultures meet perhaps they sometimes collide?

Every time I travel i see a new expression, a new face with their sadness, joy or confusion. Their smiles from soft to exuberant. Every inch of their face tells it's own story, their outfit chosen for the day, none the same. Young couples who like to show each other off, to old couples who still hold hands.

Is it true the further north you go the friendlier people get?

Maybe my stories came about because my personality tends to be one that is inevitably going to get itself into an awkward situation to a journey from hell. You hear about those people that things happen to, I think it must be the way the world works, that i am that person. I have been hand selected to take on what this unexplainable planet has to dish out. If something is going to go wrong it will. It's not always a 'bad' thing that happens, but it is definitely, at the time, a cause for considerable patients.

So. My story. When I travel. Do you think I end up with something to tell because my being is destined this way, after every journey and because I look friendly so an advantage is taken?

These people must specifically be placed to find me. To torment me, talk to me. To frustrate me or bother my peaceful reading. The reading I am frantically trying to catch up on for uni. I feel ready for anything with the knowledge of past experiences packed in my bag. My book and headphones at the ready.
Phone? Check
Food? Check
Now all I have to do is aboard my mode of transport and hope for the best. Hope that today, it won't be my day. that today I will get to my destination in peace, unstressed and ready for whatever, or whoever awaits me at the end.
But, with the ways of the world as they are, and the people within it being out of my control, I can only go prepared. My hope is packed and my patients is within snatching distance.
Here.
I.
Go...