Why does it feel like no-one understands. Here I am alone with only cold air for comfort. My nose touched by the frosty autumn weather. What should I say, how should I act? I’m good I say, I’m fine I fib. Is it better to hide away from my emotions, hide away from what I want to do, what I feel?
I’m losing control, it’s out of my control! I can’t do anything but let go, yet I’m holding on. Being pulled through this field of grass, wet up to my knees from the damp morning dew. I’m stuck where I don’t want to be right now, but theres nothing I can do.
Are you ok? Questions with a thousand answers. Yet they tell no truth. I need a friend like I’ve never needed one before, but can you see? Do you know it’s you I need, to hold me. To kiss me goodnight and let me know it’s going to be ok. Even if we both know it’s not, it’s not going to be ok, it never can be. Not right now atleast. But one day it will get better.
One day soon I might wake up and feel I have the strength to face the world of strangers, the life of ‘normality’ I am supposed to lead. I hope that day comes sooner. Waking at the moment has become a tiresome event never knowing how the day will lead. Will I make it through with a smile? Will I put on a brave face for everyone, because thats what they need? I will walk on. Walk on through this cloud. I can’t see through this cloud, its too steamed up with sadness. But when the fog is lifted, then I will smile again, then I wll say hey I’m okay, I’m fine and it not be a lie.
Yes, my friend, life is difficult when all you want is for that person you love so dearly, is for their wish to be granted. For them to go home, back to their father. No longer suffering, no longer in pain. No longer broken hearts surrounding them. Peace, this is what we need, she has it. This is what those left behind need to carry on their sleeves.
It’s talk of ’you have this’ and ‘I’ll get that’. Talk of a presence gone forever when still they remain. How can this be? One person already lost, another no, it can’t be, but it has, it’s already began.
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