"Here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind, still u hear me when I'm calling, won't u catch me when I'm falling and you told me who I am, I am yours"
This pretty much sums up how I have been feeling over the summer. I felt as if I was fading away from everything that I have ever believed in, from all the things that make my life what it is. I am defined by the things I have experienced in my 20 years of being alive, which is not a long time at all. As if the one thing in my life that I fully and truly believe and trust in could be here one day and gone the next day. The belief that millions of people share, yet was it ever really gone? Or was I so blinded by my own selfish ambition as to fully comprehend its existence.
Today is the start of my second year at uni, and ironically I don't actually have uni today, but I thought I'd start as I mean to go on... by writing my first blog entry in quite a few months.
When you grow up you go through a lot of changes and I know that over the long 5months break I have experienced a lot of change in my head, my heart. New people coming into my life, new friends, some I know will not fade. Yet even amongst my busy time going from one country to the next, from one event to another, I still carried you with me. Then when it came to a stop, a halt, a massive slow motion picture, you were there to catch me as I fell. Fell into the doubts and confusion of this world, fell into an uncertainty and an eagerness to understand what it was, what it is that I believe in.
Some one once said to me "that it is not the size of your faith that matters but the size of the one in whom you believe that makes the difference". It certainly does. I may have found myself fading away from the one thing my life revolves around, but I sure know it hasn't gone. I am nothing but a wave tossed in the ocean, I am nothing but I am something, I am someone. But like all things in creation, they grow again, flowers are reborn and life is made everyday. My life is never as dramatic as I make it out to be, but it is sure comforting knowing it is significant, even in those days of 'nothing much going on'!
I think all of this is entwined into feeling uninspired this summer, so being able to write something again is a real comfort..
This pretty much sums up how I have been feeling over the summer. I felt as if I was fading away from everything that I have ever believed in, from all the things that make my life what it is. I am defined by the things I have experienced in my 20 years of being alive, which is not a long time at all. As if the one thing in my life that I fully and truly believe and trust in could be here one day and gone the next day. The belief that millions of people share, yet was it ever really gone? Or was I so blinded by my own selfish ambition as to fully comprehend its existence.
Today is the start of my second year at uni, and ironically I don't actually have uni today, but I thought I'd start as I mean to go on... by writing my first blog entry in quite a few months.
When you grow up you go through a lot of changes and I know that over the long 5months break I have experienced a lot of change in my head, my heart. New people coming into my life, new friends, some I know will not fade. Yet even amongst my busy time going from one country to the next, from one event to another, I still carried you with me. Then when it came to a stop, a halt, a massive slow motion picture, you were there to catch me as I fell. Fell into the doubts and confusion of this world, fell into an uncertainty and an eagerness to understand what it was, what it is that I believe in.
Some one once said to me "that it is not the size of your faith that matters but the size of the one in whom you believe that makes the difference". It certainly does. I may have found myself fading away from the one thing my life revolves around, but I sure know it hasn't gone. I am nothing but a wave tossed in the ocean, I am nothing but I am something, I am someone. But like all things in creation, they grow again, flowers are reborn and life is made everyday. My life is never as dramatic as I make it out to be, but it is sure comforting knowing it is significant, even in those days of 'nothing much going on'!
I think all of this is entwined into feeling uninspired this summer, so being able to write something again is a real comfort..
No comments:
Post a Comment