Forever never comes around

"Forever and ever, life is for now or never.. you'll never see me again and no ones gonna cry for you, you'll never see me again, no matter what you do"

Lyrics by September from the song 'Cry for you' which I first heard around December 2007 and so a story begins..

Talking to myself,

"I love this tuuune. who sings this?"

I started to hum along to the song on the radio, but forgot how much I disliked my out of tune voice so cranked up the volume a few notches more.

"That's better".

I was wishing I could saver these 3minutes of pure heaven with my windows wound up tight, scarf around my neck. It was an icy evening my windows were still not DE-iced yet, the luxuries of having a car the same age as you! I was so glad to have finished work today, and what a perfect song to go home to, at least it was upbeat. I had to refrain from turning over the radio to a more soppy channel. I didn't want to self-indulge any longer with those songs of 'and i keep bleeding' along with any snow patrol song, Westlife or Ronan Keating.

I needed to cut my ties loose and start afresh, throw out the rags and put on a new set of clothes, put on a new pair of socks and step out into the breezy unknown, you get my gist? Well, there I was rolling along through the streets almost home and preparing myself to be brave, put on a smile and remember it has to get worse before it can get better. Next song.

"Are you serious? I thought this was meant to be a really happy station"

as Avril Lavinge 'I'm with you' rings through my ears, frustration begins to boil up,

"You've got to be kidding me? It's only one song" I told my lonesome self, "it's bearable".

The red light stops me, as I wait impatiently, craving to get back to the security of my home. I notice a couple across the road laughing as they walk into a Chinese restaurant.

"So what?"

Amber, and I am off but I glance across the road, a stranger looks suddenly familiar,

"That's not him" I whisper in disbelief.

"No way. Oh, no wait, it's not"

I'm with you' softly surrounds me. My eyes blurred now, from a sickly song and a deceiving radio station! What is wrong with me today? I was seeing people and crying unneccessary tears. My phone buzzes in the door, stuck in traffic again i take a sneaky look '1 new text message. Read now'. "Hey :)".

"Is that it? Is that all he has to say to me? Why the FUCK did he text me?"

I angrily shouted at no one. All alone in my car I throw my phone on the floor.

Getting in the door I breathe in a waft of sweet curry, dinner must be ready but I didn't think Dad was home from work until tomorrow? He's not back, it's Luke who has left the food to heat in the oven. Oh my head is all over the place tonight. Taking my phone I read the text message again, yes, it still hasn't got any longer. Delete. Are you sure?

"Yes, I am sure",

I rifle through my phonebook and delete his number too. 'Forever' that's what he said. Today I achieve the award of first class fool. Tonight it is the bravery award, and tomorrow, maybe tomorrow it will be one step closer to contentment.

Stepping in my room I scent his hoody laying on my bed, I think it's time. I find my mum and dump the betrayal tainted items on her bed.

"Get rid of them, Please Mum" I look at her and stand in helplessness.

She hugs me tight, "No more tears now my dear, no more tears".

I hugged her back even tighter for fear of letting go she might see my red raw eyes. Back to my room, I slowly gather up all the old photos, cards and any other sentimental rubbish I had lying around.

"Here I go" I murmured to myself.

"Let him go".

The noise of the shredder echoed in my mind as I slipped into my PJ's and got into a hoody-less bed. That's better. Time to be upbeat, but not right now. Now is the time to let it out one last time I thought as a tear trickled onto my pillow. This time it felt neccessary. The flood followed and soon I was sub-conscious in a pool of aching tears.